When I looked at my journal the other night, I found an entry from December, from Christmas day actually, that rather convicted me. A lot of it has to do with my motivations for following God, and whether I am motivated by God alone or by something else. It doesn’t have the best literary value. It is though an assessment of my spiritual vitals and what it is that keeps me and what it is that breathing keeps my heart beating.

If I were to be nothing, would I still follow? If I never married or was never accepted by the woman who grabbed my heart in a special way, would I still be able to love others and maintain convictions on living a holy life, taking account of what I watch, listen to, and seek for entertainment? If I never had the opportunity to go on a missions trip, would I still pray and dream and believe? If no one listened to me on the changes in my life, but ignored me, and I never “led anyone to faith,” would I still make time for and cherish time in the middle of the night with God, reading and praying, with no one to know about it except God?

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