Satire


CEFC is a great church, God is working here, but I think it’s time for my wife and I to attend Holy Kiss Baptist Church. ūüėČ

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Are you suffering right now? We all are. Purgatorio has been down for 4 days! 4 DAYS!

To help the hurting, I’m posting this link to a cached view of Purgatorio dated Nov. 6th, 2006. I hope that this will help you manage the headaches, dizziness, boredom, fear, manic depression, fits of rage, and panic attacks that may have afflicted you as Heinrich’s comedic genius has been absent over the last several days.

Do not fear little one. Either Purgatorio will return, or a new Satirical Prophet will arise in Blogisrael.

Update: Speculation is rampant in many quarters that either a.) the Rapture already happened OR b.) we all have (unbeknownst to us) recieved an indefinate Get Out of Purgatorio Free card or c.) Marc’s server is down.¬† Time will tell.

Why I am a pre-mil, pre-trib, pre-suppositional, carnal/non-Lordship, duel-natured antinomian, literal-implication, cessationist, zionist, spoof texting, multiple salvations, church ‚Äúparenthesis‚ÄĚ kind of believing ‚Äúspurious Calvinist‚ÄĚ.

Oh…that makes me a Dispensationalist!

¬†I suggest Gerstner’s “Wrongly Dividing the Word of Truth” on the subject, great book and very funny!

In light of a certain book (A Generous Orthodoxy) I wonder if Zondervan would take up my idea.
A Generous Exegesis: Why I am a Premillenial, Preterist / Futurist, Postmillenial, Raptured / Tribulated, Amillenial, Dispensational / Covenental, Kind of Eschatologist.

After seeing the movie Red Dawn- I would not recommend this movie to anyone- I was amazed at two things: 1) that such a ridiculous script could ever be made into a motion picture and 2) that Charlie Sheen and Partrick Swayzee actually had careers after this movie. Convinced that there might not be a worse movie, I started to write a script that may be worse. Instead of the U.S. being invaded by Spanish speaking Russians and our crack U.S. military units being rendered impotent while six high school kids successfully mount a resistance movement, I chose a different premise. I figured to use the next major crisis, global warming, as a launching pad. The beauty is that in this movie, the earth warms up, but at the same time everything is becoming colder, ice flows from the North and South Pole break off, eskimos freeze to death, and sea lions, polar bears, and penguins terrorize the mainland. Then high school kids somehow save the day. Doesn’t make sense?? Good!
Here is the intro:
In the near future, the year 2007, the world is a very different place. Industrial gases and uncontrolled environmental regulations have caused global warming to accelerate at an unprecedented rate. In a global emergency, the UN Security Counsel in conjunction with NATO and a democratic controlled United States’ government limit worldwide driving to Mondays. With the plummet in gas usage, OPEC dissolves and the Middle East descends into chaos. Camels run wild. Three more major hurricanes devastate the US, hammering the Florida Keys; Corpus Christi, Texas; and pulverizing Chicago. Global warming triggers The Big One and California is torn away from the rest of the continent, leaving Las Vegas as costal land.
This is just the beginning; this is the start of a struggle for survival; THIS is Arctic Dawn.